why isn't that hott girl wearing any underwear?

Texts From A Douche

A Friend's Account-
Let me preface these text messages by saying I went on a date with the dude from the bathroom that I gave my number to in front of the bathroom. He was an idiot, he talked about doing cocaine daily and how he liked to party. He did NOT offer to pay for lunch. So yeah, I wasn't interested. The next day I get a text from him-
Bathroom Dude: Hey it was cool meeting you yesterday I had fun. Let's hang out sometime soon.
I didn't respond because I didn't want to lead him on.
A day later-
Bathroom Dude: Was it something I said? Hah.
I decided to be honest because I thought me might be clueless.
Me: It was great getting to know you, but the chemistry wasn't there.
Bathroom Dude: haha chemistry? whatever i just wanted to have some fun. you seemed cute and cool enough for some friends with benefits type casual deal.
...
Bathroom Dude: thats a shame ive been thinking about what you'd be like in the sack since sunday.
...
Bathroom Dude: sorry if thats crass or i sound like a dick...oh well.
Me: you know what you're right. sexual intercourse with a gentleman like you sounds miraculous. what was i thinking? swoon.
Bathroom Dude: i realize what i said sounds dick-ish. but yeah i wanted you. just being honest. you're not my type but i agree but i wanted you anyway
...
Bathroom Dude: i thought i was being gentlemanly not asking if you wanted to go into that brunch spot bathroom.

I like to keep my closet doors shut because then it gives the illusion of my apartment being clean

#WatchCommunity

"that dude from the bathroom texted me back!"

— text I just got

looks like agnostics and atheists are winning

email i just got: “Show Mom you care…with a $50 P.F. Chang’s gift card!”

so I just got a call from a recruiter, which I’ve gotten before because my career is so in demand, but this time he called me AT WORK and was like “I know it’s tough to talk at the office…”

This guys got balls

funnyordie:

Strong Language

@Kyle_Lippert

Unless you’re naked, the laundry is never done

hellchesters:

fangirl challenge: [1/10] tv shows

Community

“You’ve just stopped being a study group. You’ve become something unstoppable. I hereby pronounce you a community.”

#hocuspocus

(Source: dramaqueenstu)